WHY AM I MARRIED?

You have two choices in life:You can stay single and be miserable,or get married and wish you were dead.
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At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
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A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:'Husband Wanted'.Next day she received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing:'You can have mine.'
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When a woman steals your husband,there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
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A little boy asked his father,'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
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A young son asked,'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africaa man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
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Then there was a woman who said,'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,and by then, it was too late.'
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
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If you want your spouse to listen andpay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
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A Woman's Prayer:Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man, to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.'
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AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.--

a new joke

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow still hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a specialist.'
'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.'There's a diagnostic computer down at Asda. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a Specialist .
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to asda .He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Asda.
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Asda, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and a waits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!Thank you for shopping @ Asda

husbands valentine card

this is the card that i have made for my husband for

valentines day, though i am not sure wether i like it anymore

or not. it was loosley based on an idea in the beautiful cards magazine

i used black and white dotty paper which i made myself, red

card which i embossed using the swirls cuttlebug embossing folder, i added 3 holes with a normal

punch and tied on some black ribbons, i blacked the edges with some ink and a

dauber, i then cut out a heart from the same paper i had made for the background and attached it with silicone glue to make it 3d, to finish i added a piece of red ribon and a greeting which i made on my computer

virus warning

Beware

The Centre for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, byhand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If youreceive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest store andpurchase one or both of the antidotes – Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract(WINE)and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to friends. If you do not have friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

why women are more forward thinking than men

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
Family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly
Father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his
Fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful
Woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an
Ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father
Will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later,
She became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at planning than men.

ive been tagged by lavender stamper

The middle Name GameThese are the rules:-

You must post the rules before you give your answers.You must list one fact about yourself for each letter of your middle name. Each fact must begin with that letter. If you don't have a middle name, just use your maiden name.After you've been tagged, you need to up-date your blog with your middle name and answers.At the end of your post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and need to read your blog for details.

Ok here goes!! i dont have a middle name so i will have to use my maiden name which is REILLY

R is for red i hate the colour red mainly because i hate utd and there club colour is red

E is for embossing which is my favourite craft technique and i have justfinished embossing 135 wedding invites last night for my mum

I is for iecream which i love but cant have because it makes me sick

L is for losing, i am a really bad loser particularly if playing against my hubs

L is for lightning, i love to sit and watch lightning it fascinates me

Y is for yacht, if i had any money or won the lottery i would learn to sail and buy one

i am going to tag andrea http://andrea-miller.blogspot.com/ karen http://karenscreation.blogspot.com/ joanne http://jojoshandmadecards.blogspot.com/ rct lisa http://rctlisa.blogspot.com/ tracy craftylass http://www.bluedaisycrafts.blogspot.com/ dawn http://allpinkgirl.blogspot.com/

another rude joke do not readif you are easily offended

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother". The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked. "Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised. "Well then, just follow me", said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. He then said "Now get on your knees." She did. "Now take down my zipper". She did. "Now go ahead ... Take it out...." he said. She reached in and grabbed it with both hands then paused. The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well............ Go ahead". The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said...........


"Hello. Mom can you hear me ?

very rude joke do not carry on reading if you are under 16 or dont like dirty jokes

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

joke

not put a joke on for a while and this had me in stitches when i heard it so enjoy

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe with a sign around her neck.She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, I'm yours.

'Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing a skimpy running outfit, running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, I'm yours.

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.''Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.

'The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'

He lost 63 pounds that week.

hooorayyyyyyyy

i have the use of my computer again, i haven't been able to connect to the internat for over a week now due to some silly workman digging through the cable to our virgin media connection, so annoyed and now i have so much to catch up on.

here is my challenge from last week which was to design a card for new year, sorry it is late but it couldnt be helped, i did actually do it over the weekend so i made it in time but just wasnt able to upload it.

and i need to now find out who the challenge setter is this week, when i do and i find out who and what is set i shall let you know

a joke

thought it was about time i put some jokes on as i havent put any on for a while as i was so busy so here goes

On a light aircraft there were five people, the pilot, an Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman and a Welshman.

Half-way through their journey 1 of 4 propellers fail and they start to descend.

The pilot announces that 1 person will have to jump from the plane.

The Irishman stands up and says, "This is for my Ireland", and with that, he jumps out the side.

20 Minutes later another prop fails, and the pilot announces another person will have to bail out.

The Welshman stands and says, "This is for Wales", and bails out.

10 Minutes later yet another engine fails and the pilot calls for another volunteer.

The Englishman and the Scotsman both stand up, the Englishman says, "This is for my country", and throws the Scotsman out.

monday challenge

heres my take on this weeks challenge which was set by joanne and was a non traditional valentines card ! hope you like it jo

and that makes it 3 weeks in a row that i have got it done and in before the deadline, i think it is shaz's turn this week so keep looking and i will post it as soon as i know it

shopping night disaster

well as you can probabl;y tell from the title all did not go well at the shopping night in fact it was a complete and utter disaster, only made £11.80 after raffle prize donation and table charge, i didnt sell 1 card, jewellery only and most of that was kids friendship bands. not one person even bothered to ask a price.

i was so utterly disappointed and it was such a blow to my card making confidence, still i have decided to have a card party next week and see if i can sell some of them then, and if not i dont need to make any more cards for family and friends, didnt take any pics of my table as i forgot to take my camera

some more jokes

Question: What is the difference between men and puppies?
Answer: Puppies grow up.

Question: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Question: What did God say after he created man?
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Question: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
Answer: I don't know, I've never seen either.

Question: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
Answer: i) no mind ii) no business

Question: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
Answer:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.

Question: What makes men chase women they have no intention ofmarrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have nointention of driving.

Question: Why do men like smart women?
Answer: Opposites attract.

this weeks monday challenge

i suppose i should have mentioned what this weeks monday challenge was before i added my card. here is what meayla set for her challenge. she has decided on a christmas theme for this weeks challenge, so..YOU NEED TO MAKE A CHRISTMAS THEMED CARD, USING ONLY BLACK AND WHITE, other than that anything goes just no other colours only black and white!

monday challenge

this is my card for the monday challenge, i didnt think i would be able to do it till later on this week but this is one of my designs for my stall so i thought i would put it on now whilst i had two spare seconds

i probably would have forgotten otherwise

disappearing

this will be my last entry now till friday as i am gonna have to get really busy getting the finishing touches together for my stall this thursday, it is my first public sale and i am getting really nervous now and worrying about selling nothing. i still dont know what sort of prices to put on anything as i dont want to over price myself.

i also worry about not having enough cards or choice, will have to wait and see how it goes i suppose, if it goes really badly i just won't do another.

i will take some piccies whilst i am there and put them on when i am next able i will also let you know how it went.

any advice or good wishes would be welcome, as would any ideas about how to price up my stuff

well better get cracking, will post a follow up soon

nat x x

ps i will still be doing the challenge it will have to wait till the end of the week though

monday challenge

my card for andreas monday challenge, i think i have added everything on the list 2 brads, ribbon, 1 piece of text, 2 background papers, 3 flowers(i know there are 4 but one counts as my motif), 1 motif .

and not only do i have it finished i have remembered to add it also this week

Check out my Slide Show!

todays joke

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:
370H-SSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he showed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad. Eventually they asked scotland yard for help for help. Within a minute the yard emailed the White House this reply: "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

i received this from lynn, m,side one of my docrafts buddies and thought it was so funny that i just had to share it hope you dont mind lynn.