mathemeatics

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
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OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
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SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need _____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot morewilling to die.
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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs andcackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doingthe same thing to them at funerals.

been tagged again

1. WHAT WERE YOU DOING 10 YEARS AGO?
working at pontins in brean sands, would have just started about now, and loved every minute of it(well the ones i can remember anyway)
2.WHAT WERE YOU DOING 1 YEAR AGO?probably trying to catch up on some sleep and get our baby son into a daily routine, and sort his big sis out as she became quite rebellious after he was born
.3. NAME YOUR 5 FAVOURITE SNACKS chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate. rich tea biscuits and toast
4.NAME 5 THINGS YOU WOULD DO IF YOU WERE A MILLIONAIREI travel a lot, buy several homes in different countries, make sure my family were safe and secure, buy the pub next door to me and turn it into a proper community centre and buy lots and lots of craft goodies 5.NAME 5 THINGS YOU LIKE DOING Crafting, camping, swimming, having a drink and a laugh with good friends, spending time with my kids (not necessarilly in that order)
.6.NAME 5 THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER WEAR AGAIN, mini skirts, fur, boob tube, any shoes, boots, sandals with a heel higher than 1" or dungarees
7.NAME YOUR 5 FAVOURITE TOYS!my cabbage patch kids millie and christopher(now 20 odd years old) my craft robo, my computer, my daughters illumination station, and finally my digital camera

now who to tag
hmmmmmmmm i will have a think and get back to you about that one

natx x x

yet another joke

A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping, unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?'
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what y ou think, I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.'
The husband replies, 'What did he say about your 55-year old arse?'
She replied, 'Your name didn't come up.'

face book

if anybody is a member of facebook and would like to consider adding me to you list of friends please feel free to do so, i love playing scabulous, scramble knighthood, blackjack an poker.

i am down as natalie reilly williams and i am the only one there when you enter the name in its entirity, hope to speak to you soon, as i am always looking for new friends especially ones with the same love of crafting, as i know no-one in the flesh with who i can discuss it properly

nat x x

card for mothers day

three different views of the slide up card i made for my mum for mothers day, the rose decoupage image and the backing papers are from the roses cd from create and craft, i think it looks quite real though you cannot really tell from these pics. the idea for the card itself came after watching an episode of moovision from a few weeks ago.

my mum loved it and i must say even i was impressed in the end after an ititial unsurity.

WHY AM I MARRIED?

You have two choices in life:You can stay single and be miserable,or get married and wish you were dead.
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At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:'Husband Wanted'.Next day she received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing:'You can have mine.'
__________
When a woman steals your husband,there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
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A little boy asked his father,'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
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A young son asked,'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africaa man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
__________
Then there was a woman who said,'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,and by then, it was too late.'
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
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If you want your spouse to listen andpay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
__________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
__________
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
__________
A Woman's Prayer:Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man, to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.'
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AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.--

a new joke

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow still hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a specialist.'
'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.'There's a diagnostic computer down at Asda. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a Specialist .
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to asda .He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Asda.
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Asda, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and a waits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!Thank you for shopping @ Asda

husbands valentine card

this is the card that i have made for my husband for

valentines day, though i am not sure wether i like it anymore

or not. it was loosley based on an idea in the beautiful cards magazine

i used black and white dotty paper which i made myself, red

card which i embossed using the swirls cuttlebug embossing folder, i added 3 holes with a normal

punch and tied on some black ribbons, i blacked the edges with some ink and a

dauber, i then cut out a heart from the same paper i had made for the background and attached it with silicone glue to make it 3d, to finish i added a piece of red ribon and a greeting which i made on my computer

virus warning

Beware

The Centre for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, byhand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If youreceive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest store andpurchase one or both of the antidotes – Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract(WINE)and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to friends. If you do not have friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

why women are more forward thinking than men

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
Family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly
Father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his
Fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful
Woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an
Ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father
Will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later,
She became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at planning than men.

ive been tagged by lavender stamper

The middle Name GameThese are the rules:-

You must post the rules before you give your answers.You must list one fact about yourself for each letter of your middle name. Each fact must begin with that letter. If you don't have a middle name, just use your maiden name.After you've been tagged, you need to up-date your blog with your middle name and answers.At the end of your post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and need to read your blog for details.

Ok here goes!! i dont have a middle name so i will have to use my maiden name which is REILLY

R is for red i hate the colour red mainly because i hate utd and there club colour is red

E is for embossing which is my favourite craft technique and i have justfinished embossing 135 wedding invites last night for my mum

I is for iecream which i love but cant have because it makes me sick

L is for losing, i am a really bad loser particularly if playing against my hubs

L is for lightning, i love to sit and watch lightning it fascinates me

Y is for yacht, if i had any money or won the lottery i would learn to sail and buy one

i am going to tag andrea http://andrea-miller.blogspot.com/ karen http://karenscreation.blogspot.com/ joanne http://jojoshandmadecards.blogspot.com/ rct lisa http://rctlisa.blogspot.com/ tracy craftylass http://www.bluedaisycrafts.blogspot.com/ dawn http://allpinkgirl.blogspot.com/

another rude joke do not readif you are easily offended

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother". The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked. "Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised. "Well then, just follow me", said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. He then said "Now get on your knees." She did. "Now take down my zipper". She did. "Now go ahead ... Take it out...." he said. She reached in and grabbed it with both hands then paused. The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well............ Go ahead". The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said...........


"Hello. Mom can you hear me ?

very rude joke do not carry on reading if you are under 16 or dont like dirty jokes

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

joke

not put a joke on for a while and this had me in stitches when i heard it so enjoy

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe with a sign around her neck.She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, I'm yours.

'Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing a skimpy running outfit, running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, I'm yours.

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.''Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.

'The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'

He lost 63 pounds that week.