Tuesday, 7 April 2009
Sunday, 5 April 2009
and now the after
Sunday, 9 March 2008
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need _____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot morewilling to die.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs andcackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doingthe same thing to them at funerals.
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
working at pontins in brean sands, would have just started about now, and loved every minute of it(well the ones i can remember anyway)
2.WHAT WERE YOU DOING 1 YEAR AGO?probably trying to catch up on some sleep and get our baby son into a daily routine, and sort his big sis out as she became quite rebellious after he was born
.3. NAME YOUR 5 FAVOURITE SNACKS chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate. rich tea biscuits and toast
4.NAME 5 THINGS YOU WOULD DO IF YOU WERE A MILLIONAIREI travel a lot, buy several homes in different countries, make sure my family were safe and secure, buy the pub next door to me and turn it into a proper community centre and buy lots and lots of craft goodies 5.NAME 5 THINGS YOU LIKE DOING Crafting, camping, swimming, having a drink and a laugh with good friends, spending time with my kids (not necessarilly in that order)
.6.NAME 5 THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER WEAR AGAIN, mini skirts, fur, boob tube, any shoes, boots, sandals with a heel higher than 1" or dungarees
7.NAME YOUR 5 FAVOURITE TOYS!my cabbage patch kids millie and christopher(now 20 odd years old) my craft robo, my computer, my daughters illumination station, and finally my digital camera
now who to tag
hmmmmmmmm i will have a think and get back to you about that one
natx x x
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?'
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what y ou think, I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.'
The husband replies, 'What did he say about your 55-year old arse?'
She replied, 'Your name didn't come up.'
i am down as natalie reilly williams and i am the only one there when you enter the name in its entirity, hope to speak to you soon, as i am always looking for new friends especially ones with the same love of crafting, as i know no-one in the flesh with who i can discuss it properly
nat x x
three different views of the slide up card i made for my mum for mothers day, the rose decoupage image and the backing papers are from the roses cd from create and craft, i think it looks quite real though you cannot really tell from these pics. the idea for the card itself came after watching an episode of moovision from a few weeks ago.
my mum loved it and i must say even i was impressed in the end after an ititial unsurity.
Monday, 25 February 2008
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:'Husband Wanted'.Next day she received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing:'You can have mine.'
When a woman steals your husband,there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
A little boy asked his father,'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
A young son asked,'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africaa man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
Then there was a woman who said,'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,and by then, it was too late.'
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen andpay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
A Woman's Prayer:Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man, to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.'
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.--
Thursday, 14 February 2008
'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.'There's a diagnostic computer down at Asda. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a Specialist .
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to asda .He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Asda.
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Asda, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and a waits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!Thank you for shopping @ Asda
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
The Centre for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, byhand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If youreceive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest store andpurchase one or both of the antidotes â€“ Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract(WINE)and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should immediately forward this medical alert to friends. If you do not have friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
Thursday, 31 January 2008
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly
Father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful
Woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an
Ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father
Will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later,
She became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at planning than men.
You must post the rules before you give your answers.You must list one fact about yourself for each letter of your middle name. Each fact must begin with that letter. If you don't have a middle name, just use your maiden name.After you've been tagged, you need to up-date your blog with your middle name and answers.At the end of your post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and need to read your blog for details.
Ok here goes!! i dont have a middle name so i will have to use my maiden name which is REILLY
R is for red i hate the colour red mainly because i hate utd and there club colour is red
E is for embossing which is my favourite craft technique and i have justfinished embossing 135 wedding invites last night for my mum
I is for iecream which i love but cant have because it makes me sick
L is for losing, i am a really bad loser particularly if playing against my hubs
L is for lightning, i love to sit and watch lightning it fascinates me
Y is for yacht, if i had any money or won the lottery i would learn to sail and buy one
i am going to tag andrea http://andrea-miller.blogspot.com/ karen http://karenscreation.blogspot.com/ joanne http://jojoshandmadecards.blogspot.com/ rct lisa http://rctlisa.blogspot.com/ tracy craftylass http://www.bluedaisycrafts.blogspot.com/ dawn http://allpinkgirl.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
"Hello. Mom can you hear me ?
Thursday, 17 January 2008
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Tuesday, 8 January 2008
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe with a sign around her neck.She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, I'm yours.
'Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing a skimpy running outfit, running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, I'm yours.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.''Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.
'The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'
He lost 63 pounds that week.
Wednesday, 19 December 2007
Friday, 7 December 2007
On a light aircraft there were five people, the pilot, an Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman and a Welshman.
Half-way through their journey 1 of 4 propellers fail and they start to descend.
The pilot announces that 1 person will have to jump from the plane.
The Irishman stands up and says, "This is for my Ireland", and with that, he jumps out the side.
20 Minutes later another prop fails, and the pilot announces another person will have to bail out.
The Welshman stands and says, "This is for Wales", and bails out.
10 Minutes later yet another engine fails and the pilot calls for another volunteer.
The Englishman and the Scotsman both stand up, the Englishman says, "This is for my country", and throws the Scotsman out.
and that makes it 3 weeks in a row that i have got it done and in before the deadline, i think it is shaz's turn this week so keep looking and i will post it as soon as i know it
Monday, 3 December 2007
i was so utterly disappointed and it was such a blow to my card making confidence, still i have decided to have a card party next week and see if i can sell some of them then, and if not i dont need to make any more cards for family and friends, didnt take any pics of my table as i forgot to take my camera
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
Answer: Puppies grow up.
Question: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Question: What did God say after he created man?
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.
Question: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
Answer: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Question: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
Answer: i) no mind ii) no business
Question: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
Answer:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.
Question: What makes men chase women they have no intention ofmarrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have nointention of driving.
Question: Why do men like smart women?
Answer: Opposites attract.
Monday, 26 November 2007
Sunday, 25 November 2007
i also worry about not having enough cards or choice, will have to wait and see how it goes i suppose, if it goes really badly i just won't do another.
i will take some piccies whilst i am there and put them on when i am next able i will also let you know how it went.
any advice or good wishes would be welcome, as would any ideas about how to price up my stuff
well better get cracking, will post a follow up soon
nat x x
ps i will still be doing the challenge it will have to wait till the end of the week though
Saturday, 24 November 2007
my card for andreas monday challenge, i think i have added everything on the list 2 brads, ribbon, 1 piece of text, 2 background papers, 3 flowers(i know there are 4 but one counts as my motif), 1 motif .
and not only do i have it finished i have remembered to add it also this week
Thursday, 22 November 2007
Bush was baffled, so he showed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad. Eventually they asked scotland yard for help for help. Within a minute the yard emailed the White House this reply: "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
i received this from lynn, m,side one of my docrafts buddies and thought it was so funny that i just had to share it hope you dont mind lynn.
Monday, 19 November 2007
The card has to include all these things and nothing else except the card blank of course.
You will need
2 backing Papers
1 motif ( drawn, printed, downloaded, stamped which ever but only one)
1 word of text
1 piece of ribbon
oh my, better get busy, at least i have nothing else on this week
and now its time to look for this weeks challenge, hopefully i can get it uploaded this week in time
Friday, 16 November 2007
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
WHO DOES WHAT
The Silent Treatment
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
Wednesday, 14 November 2007
heres some i made for christmas all using penny plack inic rubber stamps which i love. tried to get rid of some of my coloured card for these as it has been stuck there for ages untouched and they strike me as very traditional chrsitmas colours. i love springy cards i think they look quite involved so i have made quite a few of them this year, though i have had to be careful as sometimes i overload them and they dont stand up properly.
Tuesday, 13 November 2007
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current dance partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear; and she agreed.
So off they went to one of the parked cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked him what kind of a time he had. He said: "- Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much?" "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to..."
been busy making all this jewellery for the shopping night at rachies school on the 29th of this month, but not sure is i like the stuff i have made now. i still like the watches but i am not sure about the sets, what do you think, i know the pics arent very good but will they sell ???? are they good enough to sell ???and what kind of price shoulds i ask???
now to this weeks challenge it has been set by karen and is as follows "To make a card with something French on it: It can be a French word or phrase or an image that is typically
French. I don't think it is as hard as that might seem once you get thinking"
i think i know what i am gonna do as there is really only one french term i can think of, you will have to check back to see the finished product in a day or two.
Saturday, 10 November 2007
i have had a few entries from the do crafts forum members thanks guys and also a big thanks to the other members of the design team for completing theirs. i shall be picking a winner tomorrow evening and i will announce them here and on do crafts
thanks again to everybody who did the challenge and i look forward to doing the next one
nat x x
Friday, 9 November 2007
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
Thursday, 8 November 2007
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
shops with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to really cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you
a few of us on the commitee has tried to have a word with the lady organising it but she is unwilling to lower or drop the price completely. as this is my first time i dont want to pay £20 if i am not going to sell anything.
what would you do would you go ahead or pull out??? please help
Wednesday, 7 November 2007
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup
Monday, 5 November 2007
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced theSchitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
this is my card for todays chalenge, kinda cheated a bit as a friend asked me to make something for her daughters second birthday with teddies on it, but i just couldn't get motivated, so using this challenge gave me the kick up the backside i needed. so come on the rest of you get some cards entered
i look forward to seeing your entries, email your entries to me or add yours to your blog and leave me a message, i will feature the winner on my blog(if thats ok with you of course)
i will post mine when it is finished
Saturday, 3 November 2007
1: If you could have 100.00 worth of scrapbook paper or assorted embellishments, which would you choose? definately papers, as you can get so many different effects from them and they are so much more versatile than embellishments
2. If you had to choose between using only stamps or rubons, which would you choose?i love penny black inc stamps and as far as i know they do them in stickers but not rub-ons so it would have to be stamps
3. If you knew how to do both awesome cards and layouts but could only do one for a whole year...which would you do? my first love cards.
4. Would you rather own a scrapbooking store or have your own scrapping room at home?Hard question to answer. i am not really a scrapper only just starting so i would say the shop then i can make money to buy lots of card making stuff.
5. And last but not least, what is your CURRENT cardmaking or scrapping style? not sure i have one, i just mish mash things together, but definately modern over traditional
hope thats ok with you girls
ps hope i have done this right
Deciding that he may pull it off if he wears a costume to hide his head and leg, he writes to a theatrical outfitters asking them for advise...
A few days later, he receives a parcel from the company with a note that says;
'Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head, and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a buccaneer.'
Unfortunately, the man finds this deeply insulting, as they have so clear emphasised his wooden leg, so he fires off a letter of complaint.
A week passes before the postman delivers another parcel with a note that reads;
'Dear Sir, sorry about our previous suggestions - please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.'
This infuriates the man again, because they have simply switched from emphasising his wooden leg to his balding head, so he writes the company another letter of complaint.
The next day he receives a tiny parcel and a hastily scrawled note, which reads;
'Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of treacle. Pour over your head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple, you grumpy old t**t.'
Friday, 2 November 2007
i recently made a card for a good friend of mine for the birth of her friends daughter, it was something i had never done before so i made sure i took some photos of it, then (what was i thinking) i let my hubby borrow my camera. i was looking for the pictures yesterday to upload to my blog when he pipes up with ermmm, i put them on my computer by accident and deleted them. then he gave that favorite male excuse HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW. I dunno maybe try asking?????, anyway i have managed to retrieve 3 of them but only from one side
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Trevor works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Trevor never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Trevor is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Trevor can be
10 classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Trevor be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines
Thursday, 1 November 2007
My dog's a blacksmith. Every time we open the front door he makes a bolt for it.
Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?
So she could draw blood.
What do you give a sick budgie?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: "Where's the self-help section?"
She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Two eggs sitting on a kitchen table.
One of them spots a whisk and asks: "What's that?"
The other egg looks puzzled and replies: "Beats me"
I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper the other day.
Yes, I was dicing with death!
Q: What do pilots eat?
A: Plane biscuits.