You have two choices in life:You can stay single and be miserable,or get married and wish you were dead.
__________
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:'Husband Wanted'.Next day she received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing:'You can have mine.'
__________
When a woman steals your husband,there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
__________
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
__________
A little boy asked his father,'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
__________
A young son asked,'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africaa man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
__________
Then there was a woman who said,'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,and by then, it was too late.'
__________
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________
If you want your spouse to listen andpay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
__________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
__________
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
__________
A Woman's Prayer:Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man, to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.'
__________
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.--
Monday 25 February 2008
Thursday 14 February 2008
a new joke
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow still hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a specialist.'
'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.'There's a diagnostic computer down at Asda. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a Specialist .
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to asda .He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Asda.
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Asda, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and a waits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!Thank you for shopping @ Asda
'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.'There's a diagnostic computer down at Asda. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a Specialist .
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to asda .He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Asda.
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Asda, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and a waits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!Thank you for shopping @ Asda
Tuesday 5 February 2008
husbands valentine card
this is the card that i have made for my husband for
valentines day, though i am not sure wether i like it anymore
or not. it was loosley based on an idea in the beautiful cards magazine
i used black and white dotty paper which i made myself, red
card which i embossed using the swirls cuttlebug embossing folder, i added 3 holes with a normal
punch and tied on some black ribbons, i blacked the edges with some ink and a
dauber, i then cut out a heart from the same paper i had made for the background and attached it with silicone glue to make it 3d, to finish i added a piece of red ribon and a greeting which i made on my computer
virus warning
Beware
The Centre for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, byhand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If youreceive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest store andpurchase one or both of the antidotes รข€“ Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract(WINE)and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should immediately forward this medical alert to friends. If you do not have friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
The Centre for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, byhand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If youreceive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest store andpurchase one or both of the antidotes รข€“ Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract(WINE)and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should immediately forward this medical alert to friends. If you do not have friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
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