some more jokes

Question: What is the difference between men and puppies?
Answer: Puppies grow up.

Question: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Question: What did God say after he created man?
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Question: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
Answer: I don't know, I've never seen either.

Question: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
Answer: i) no mind ii) no business

Question: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
Answer:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.

Question: What makes men chase women they have no intention ofmarrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have nointention of driving.

Question: Why do men like smart women?
Answer: Opposites attract.

this weeks monday challenge

i suppose i should have mentioned what this weeks monday challenge was before i added my card. here is what meayla set for her challenge. she has decided on a christmas theme for this weeks challenge, so..YOU NEED TO MAKE A CHRISTMAS THEMED CARD, USING ONLY BLACK AND WHITE, other than that anything goes just no other colours only black and white!

monday challenge

this is my card for the monday challenge, i didnt think i would be able to do it till later on this week but this is one of my designs for my stall so i thought i would put it on now whilst i had two spare seconds

i probably would have forgotten otherwise

disappearing

this will be my last entry now till friday as i am gonna have to get really busy getting the finishing touches together for my stall this thursday, it is my first public sale and i am getting really nervous now and worrying about selling nothing. i still dont know what sort of prices to put on anything as i dont want to over price myself.

i also worry about not having enough cards or choice, will have to wait and see how it goes i suppose, if it goes really badly i just won't do another.

i will take some piccies whilst i am there and put them on when i am next able i will also let you know how it went.

any advice or good wishes would be welcome, as would any ideas about how to price up my stuff

well better get cracking, will post a follow up soon

nat x x

ps i will still be doing the challenge it will have to wait till the end of the week though

monday challenge

my card for andreas monday challenge, i think i have added everything on the list 2 brads, ribbon, 1 piece of text, 2 background papers, 3 flowers(i know there are 4 but one counts as my motif), 1 motif .

and not only do i have it finished i have remembered to add it also this week

Check out my Slide Show!

todays joke

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:
370H-SSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he showed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad. Eventually they asked scotland yard for help for help. Within a minute the yard emailed the White House this reply: "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

i received this from lynn, m,side one of my docrafts buddies and thought it was so funny that i just had to share it hope you dont mind lynn.

andreas turn this week to set the challenge and she has made a lovely recipe for us, here are her instructions

The card has to include all these things and nothing else except the card blank of course.
You will need
2 Brads
3 Flowers
2 backing Papers
1 motif ( drawn, printed, downloaded, stamped which ever but only one)
1 word of text
1 piece of ribbon

oh my, better get busy, at least i have nothing else on this week

french monday challenge entry

this is my entry for karens challenge i actually made this last week but just forgot to upload it, as i have had a bit of an hectic end of week and weekend. sorry it is a bit obvious but it is the only french i can remember. i used funky fairy papers and embellishments to make the majority of it, but the text is colorbok alphastax.

and now its time to look for this weeks challenge, hopefully i can get it uploaded this week in time

todays funnies

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Keep reading-they get better!!!

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

CIGARETTESAND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later,he deposits a huge bag of cottonballs and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused,"Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers,"You see, it's like this,yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . "HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go andsee why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

more christmas cards

heres some i made for christmas all using penny plack inic rubber stamps which i love. tried to get rid of some of my coloured card for these as it has been stuck there for ages untouched and they strike me as very traditional chrsitmas colours. i love springy cards i think they look quite involved so i have made quite a few of them this year, though i have had to be careful as sometimes i overload them and they dont stand up properly.

kiddies pendant sets

kiddies pendant and earrings sets

todays joke

IRISH GAS STATION Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his newMercedes into an Irish gas station. An attendant greets him in typicalIrish manner, unaware who the golf pro is... "Top o' the mornin to yeladdie". As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket."So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant. "They're calledtees," replies Tiger. "And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?"inquires the Irishman. "Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger."Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaims the Irish attendant. "Thosefellas at Mercedes think of everything

todays joke

A couple was invited to a swanky, Halloween costume Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested; but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current dance partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear; and she agreed.
So off they went to one of the parked cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked him what kind of a time he had. He said: "- Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much?" "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to..."

jewellery

been busy making all this jewellery for the shopping night at rachies school on the 29th of this month, but not sure is i like the stuff i have made now. i still like the watches but i am not sure about the sets, what do you think, i know the pics arent very good but will they sell ???? are they good enough to sell ???and what kind of price shoulds i ask???

monday challenge

hi folks sorry i have had no internat connection for the past few days so i was unable to post the winner of last mondays comp. i have decided that the winner is margaret d from the docrafts forum, thanks to everyone that sent me your entries they were fab.

now to this weeks challenge it has been set by karen and is as follows "To make a card with something French on it: It can be a French word or phrase or an image that is typically
French. I don't think it is as hard as that might seem once you get thinking"

i think i know what i am gonna do as there is really only one french term i can think of, you will have to check back to see the finished product in a day or two.

monday challenge update

well folks the week is nearly up and it is nearly time for a new challenge which will be set by one of the other members of the funky fairies design team (sorry i cant find the email to tell you which member) i shall let you know monday whos turn it is and what the challenge is.

i have had a few entries from the do crafts forum members thanks guys and also a big thanks to the other members of the design team for completing theirs. i shall be picking a winner tomorrow evening and i will announce them here and on do crafts

thanks again to everybody who did the challenge and i look forward to doing the next one

nat x x

todays funny

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.

2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
shops with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to really cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

school shopping night

a few of you may remember that a couple of weeks ago i was asking advice about doing a stall at our school shopping night cost £10 and £10 raffle prize donation, i would be selling primarily stuff for my self but i have made some stationary sets, colouring sets and craft sets to sell for the school but following a meeting last night it turns out that the tickets arent selling (cost £2) and so far they have only sold 6 you can pay on th night but i know a lot of people think the £2 is too expensive and i have to say that i agre. i have been to these nights before and they have been free. the event is still 2 weeks away but i am beginning to wonder now wether it is worth still doing it as the interest doesnt seem to be there, they have also said no children.
a few of us on the commitee has tried to have a word with the lady organising it but she is unwilling to lower or drop the price completely. as this is my first time i dont want to pay £20 if i am not going to sell anything.
what would you do would you go ahead or pull out??? please help

todays funnys

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."


There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup

todays funny

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced theSchitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

my teddy card for the monday challenge

this is my card for todays chalenge, kinda cheated a bit as a friend asked me to make something for her daughters second birthday with teddies on it, but i just couldn't get motivated, so using this challenge gave me the kick up the backside i needed. so come on the rest of you get some cards entered

MONDAY CHALLENGE

hi everybody time for the monday challenge, sorry it is so late i have been out all day, well i have deided todays challenge is teddy bears, any shape, any size, any colour, any design you like as long as it features a teddy bear somewhere.

i look forward to seeing your entries, email your entries to me or add yours to your blog and leave me a message, i will feature the winner on my blog(if thats ok with you of course)

i will post mine when it is finished

tagged

Tagged by louise and i have to answer 5 questions and then tag 5 other people . . . .

1: If you could have 100.00 worth of scrapbook paper or assorted embellishments, which would you choose? definately papers, as you can get so many different effects from them and they are so much more versatile than embellishments
2. If you had to choose between using only stamps or rubons, which would you choose?i love penny black inc stamps and as far as i know they do them in stickers but not rub-ons so it would have to be stamps
3. If you knew how to do both awesome cards and layouts but could only do one for a whole year...which would you do? my first love cards.
4. Would you rather own a scrapbooking store or have your own scrapping room at home?Hard question to answer. i am not really a scrapper only just starting so i would say the shop then i can make money to buy lots of card making stuff.
5. And last but not least, what is your CURRENT cardmaking or scrapping style? not sure i have one, i just mish mash things together, but definately modern over traditional

tagging http://lavender-stamper.blogspot.com/
http://anabaird.blogspot.com/
http://www.julietspaperpalace.blogspot.com/
http://whiteribboncards.blogspot.com/
http://fe-fesworld.blogspot.com/
hope thats ok with you girls

ps hope i have done this right

todays joke

Cursed with a bald head and a wooden leg, a man is surprised to learn that he's been invited to a fancy dress party.

Deciding that he may pull it off if he wears a costume to hide his head and leg, he writes to a theatrical outfitters asking them for advise...

A few days later, he receives a parcel from the company with a note that says;

'Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head, and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a buccaneer.'

Unfortunately, the man finds this deeply insulting, as they have so clear emphasised his wooden leg, so he fires off a letter of complaint.

A week passes before the postman delivers another parcel with a note that reads;

'Dear Sir, sorry about our previous suggestions - please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.'

This infuriates the man again, because they have simply switched from emphasising his wooden leg to his balding head, so he writes the company another letter of complaint.

The next day he receives a tiny parcel and a hastily scrawled note, which reads;

'Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of treacle. Pour over your head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple, you grumpy old t**t.'

men

i recently made a card for a good friend of mine for the birth of her friends daughter, it was something i had never done before so i made sure i took some photos of it, then (what was i thinking) i let my hubby borrow my camera. i was looking for the pictures yesterday to upload to my blog when he pipes up with ermmm, i put them on my computer by accident and deleted them. then he gave that favorite male excuse HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW. I dunno maybe try asking?????, anyway i have managed to retrieve 3 of them but only from one side

todays joke

1 Trevor Adams, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Trevor works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Trevor never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Trevor is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Trevor can be
10 classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Trevor be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum

The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines

todays jokes(bad ones)

i promise they are not all going to be this bad, thought i would get them over and done with

My dog's a blacksmith. Every time we open the front door he makes a bolt for it.

Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?
So she could draw blood.

What do you give a sick budgie?
Tweetment.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: "Where's the self-help section?"
She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Two eggs sitting on a kitchen table.
One of them spots a whisk and asks: "What's that?"
The other egg looks puzzled and replies: "Beats me"

I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper the other day.
Yes, I was dicing with death!

Q: What do pilots eat?
A: Plane biscuits.

jokes

i am so fed up with people complaining on the docrafts website about my jokes(not that they are bad) that i have now decided to add them to my blog instead, i will try to get one on every day as a little light relief but if not definately whenever i can